Anyway, we tossed this idea because while I find Allison capable of walking home, I don't trust her judgement. I don't think she has a good radar for danger (like cars and watching for them while crossing the road), she's distracted easily, and if something were to happen I don't think she'd make the best choices in response. Also, she'd be walking alone.
So, I put in a request for bus transportation, which is an option we have with her IEP. It took only a few days, but I got her on a bus that drops her off in front of the house at 3:28pm. (granted, this does not buy me much time, but it does get me out of my carpool arrangements - so that's something). The first day, I met the bus and all seemed to go well.
But then later we were driving to the YMCA and I asked Allison if she liked the bus. She said yes. But then she followed it up with "Mom, am I Special Needs?"
The conversation that followed was me doing my best to say "yes, you have Special Needs" without making it seem like a bad thing and also while connecting it to her other friends who also have Special Needs. "Special Needs" really is quite the big tent. She didn't seem upset by it, and maybe in some ways comforted by all the other people she knew in the same boat.
It was interesting, though, that while I had previously sat her (and Jacob) down and talked about autism and what that meant and how she gets help from Ms. Jahnke and the therapists - she hadn't connected that with "Special Needs." Now, however, she was on the Special Needs Bus with all the Special Needs Kids, and she had questions.
Also, it highlights how kids like to categorize themselves into same/different. And how she phrased her question "Am I Special Needs?" like is this a part of me and my identity? It was not "Do I have Special Needs?" I could spin this as a good thing that she's conscious of her place in the world and curious as to how she fits in. But the larger question is that I don't know how to balance the one side of the unique part of *her* that makes her *her* and the parts of *her* that we work on changing so that she fits and functions with *us.*
2 comments:
Wanted to say just a few things about this.
I guess it's not a bad thing that Allison realizes that she has "Special Needs" and it sounds as though you're working on letting her know that everyone has some special needs so it' not a bad thing. One thing that I'm wondering about is if the school or teacher announces, "Time for the special needs bus" or in some way calls attention to this group of kids that ride this bus. If so, could they not call it Bus 53 or whatever?
I'm pretty sure that at some point in our district, and maybe in all of Illinois, gifted education was actually classified as part of special needs. It may be that way today. So Allison's daddy and mommy were special needs also.
Everyone, special needs or not, has unique parts of their personality that need to be changed to function with their family and with society. It's not a big deal that she needs to change. Jacob does too. We all do. She's going to be lovable, loving Allison no matter what. She's a gift and you are doing a great job of helping her grow into a fine young woman.
Awww... thanks. No, I don't think it's announced in any way. Many of the kids on the bus have physical disabilities, and Allison says it take a long time to load the wheelchairs. I think that's why she associated it with "special needs." Though her school is pretty transparent about actually calling kids "special needs." As in, I hear kids say things like "you'll never guess what Joe did today" and someone else will say something like, "yeah, but he's Special Needs." So it's kindof weird that everyone is so open about it (good) but also it's a divide in a way - like no one would say something like "yeah, but he's Asian."
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