Am I Special Needs

So Allison has been riding the bus home now.  This was my solution to a carpooling problem and a boy who is slow to get out of school.  We don't technically live in an area with bus service.  We're too close to the school and there are sidewalks the whole way and a crossing guard at the busy street, provided you don't walk the most direct way home.  I thought (briefly) about having Allison walk home from school - a view that was much discussed at my book group.  Not Allison, specifically, but that "kids these days" don't walk home, they expect Mom to pick them up and then how Mom shouldn't complain about the fact that there is *no where* to park because there's *no where* to park because everybody drives and why don't we just have our kids walk home.... yada, yada, yada.  (No, I don't have book group with a bunch of grumpy old men "I walked both ways uphill in the snow!!")

Anyway, we tossed this idea because while I find Allison capable of walking home, I don't trust her judgement.  I don't think she has a good radar for danger (like cars and watching for them  while crossing the road), she's distracted easily, and if something were to happen I don't think she'd make the best choices in response.  Also, she'd be walking alone.

So, I put in a request for bus transportation, which is an option we have with her IEP.  It took only a few days, but I got her on a bus that drops her off in front of the house at 3:28pm.  (granted, this does not buy me much time, but it does get me out of my carpool arrangements - so that's something).  The first day, I met the bus and all seemed to go well.  

But then later we were driving to the YMCA and I asked Allison if she liked the bus.  She said yes.  But then she followed it up with "Mom, am I Special Needs?"

The conversation that followed was me doing my best to say "yes, you have Special Needs" without making it seem like a bad thing and also while connecting it to her other friends who also have Special Needs.  "Special Needs" really is quite the big tent.  She didn't seem upset by it, and maybe in some ways comforted by all the other people she knew in the same boat.

It was interesting, though, that while I had previously sat her (and Jacob) down and talked about autism and what that meant and how she gets help from Ms. Jahnke and the therapists - she hadn't connected that with "Special Needs."  Now, however, she was on the Special Needs Bus with all the Special Needs Kids, and she had questions.  

Also, it highlights how kids like to categorize themselves into same/different.  And how she phrased her question "Am I Special Needs?" like is this a part of me and my identity?  It was not "Do I have Special Needs?"  I could spin this as a good thing that she's conscious of her place in the world and curious as to how she fits in.  But the larger question is that I don't know how to balance the one side of the unique part of *her* that makes her *her* and the parts of *her* that we work on changing so that she fits and functions with *us.*  

Review and Revise

So, there was an article popping around facebook the other day about how some failing schools are finding success by getting rid of their sports programs.  The basic argument was that students could play club sports on their own time which would free up lots of money that schools could then spend on academics. There was immediate cost savings (no games, equipment, security, travel), but also things like not having to hire substitutes (when teacher-coaches left early on game day).  While studies have shown that student athletes perform better than their peers on things like AP exams; those gains are diminished when one factors in socio-economic factors.  So, basically, most student-athletes would be more likely to perform well on AP exams even if they were NOT in any school athletics.

Then I listened to this podcast today on parenting and what things parents do/don't do that will affect their children's future performance (college, jobs, success, happiness, etc).  They claimed that the "gains" by all the things we parents feel like we "should" be doing (tons of extra activities, visits to museums, etc.), are relatively small compared with other things.  For example, if parents smoke you see much more of an effect (negative) than if a child was in piano lessons (positive).  Any supposed advancement due to hyper-involved parents can be more easily explained by the fact that hyper-involved parents are more likely to have higher income and education levels.  The higher income and education levels are a much greater predictor to future "success" than whether or not you were hyper-involved.  (the kids from higher income families who were not hyper-involved do just as well as those whose parents carted them around to every activity they could find).

So, this is either freeing (hey!  I can be a lazier parent and my kids will still be OK) or disheartening (why do I even try if it doesn't matter at all in the end).  But none-the-less, I will try to review and revise our activity schedule.

This will not be easy.  I still believe it's important that the kids can swim (life/death thing), play music (learning persistence and how to practice to attain a goal), participate in sports (physical fitness and being part of a team), and other enrichment activities (they need to try things out to see what they might really like).  But, would the world come crashing down if we quit piano? - no.  Would they end up overweight and unhealthy if they played one sport non-competitively? - no.  Do I want to be like the neighbors - giving up almost every other weekend for tournament travel so my kid can play a sport that they'll *maybe* continue into HS, barring some unforeseen injury?  Heck no.

Check back with me in a year and I'll let you know how it's going.  I told Allison today there wasn't a girl scout troop this year.  She looked at me and said, "Don't give up, mom.  Girl Scouts never give up.  I will not give up on Girl Scouts."

Cool things about Jacob's new school

1) He likes it.  He 'I-am-willing-to-share-non-essential-information-about-my-day' likes it.

2) Field trips!  Tuesday they were at a pond most of the day catching crayfish and identifying things, then classifying them as to whether or not they "should" be in the pond (invasive/non-invasive).

3) More field trips!  Next Tuesday they are going to the headwaters of the Fox River and a bunch of other stuff in Portage, WI.

4) They learn Spanish.  I did not even know this going in, but they have Spanish class twice a week which starts in 3rd grade (so he's not even behind any of the other kids).

5) He walks to piano lessons on Thursdays, which means we get piano started (and ended!) a half hour earlier than usual.  Not only that, but other kids in his class also take piano lessons (at different places) and so piano lessons are more "cool" than they have been before.

Sometime there may be a "5 uncool things about Jacob's new school" blog post, which *might* include how his parents got stuck sitting around a campfire singing with other adults.  Just really kinda not my thing.  But the camping was fun!

Jumping in Time

Another thing that I have not yet blogged about - the results of Allison's growth hormone test.

They were, of course, inconclusive.  Well, maybe not "inconclusive" because there were results - they just weren't clearly one thing or another.

I don't have the letter handy and so won't be able to recall the exact name of the hormone that they were checking.... but, apparently a level of 10 or greater indicated a robust growth system and a level of 5 or lower indicated a clear growth hormone deficiency.  Allison scored a 7.3.  I'm not exactly sure how much more "in the middle without leaning one way or another" she could get - but there you have it.

Her bone age was between 6 years 8 month and 7 years 8 months (seems like they could have pinpointed that a bit more), her chronological age was 10 years, 8 months - so she's either 3 or 4 years behind.

Good news - she's not totally hormone deficient and she's still got plenty of time to grow.

Bad news - she doesn't have a healthy growth system and we don't know why.

My theory - she's found the elixir of life.  She's aging at about 66% of the normal rate, which means she'll probably live to be 150 years old.  Many people believe that evolution is not a slow, steady process; but the result of large step-wise changes.  Just say'n.

More vacation

I am thinking that this blog does not need to be chronologically accurate.  (also - just reworded that from: "thinking this blog need not be chronologically accurate" - grammar: an adventure in continuous improvement.)  You know.... because I'm known for my correct grammar and syntax.

From NYC - back to CT - but just for a night because we were on to Maine!  (with a stop in Salem, MA).

If you have kids and you visit a national park, monument, or historic site: Go get the Junior Ranger booklet.  I did not even know they had one for Salem, MA; but they do!  The kids fill out this pamphlet and then they return it to get a badge.  The kids LOVE the badges.  Also, at Salem it had nothing to do with witches and a lot to do with that boat.  This enabled us to skip the costly witch museums, and visit the free boat.  Bonus - a shiny golden badge.

Oh, what did we learn about the boat?  um..... I don't know.  It had a really big rudder.  Also, it's a ship.  Or, wait, maybe it's not.  We learned that sailboats are classified by the number of masts and sails.  But now I don't remember the details..... The National Park Service emblem includes a buffalo!  I remember that.

Back to School

In order to stay somewhat up-to-date; I'll also do the Back to School post.

Allison:

It was sunny.  I like this picture because the sun is shining from the right (sunny side of Allison), but reflecting off the porch light - making a "spotlight" in the other direction.

Allison rode to school with her friend Melanie.  Melanie's mom took this picture at the school sign:

Allison's report was good.  She had reading homework (10 pages in a book about the Southeast, which she read out loud in a southern accent).  She didn't share too much else.  She liked recess and left her lunch box in the office and had to go back and get it.

She is in a 5th/6th split (all classes are split for those grades at her school).  Her teachers are Mrs. Faustich and Mrs. Swaim.  I think they'll be good for her.  Mrs. Faustich has a lot of experience and is more of a quieter, stricter teacher; and Mrs. Swaim has a lot of enthusiasm but also 10 years of experience.  Allison's only sadness may be that she doesn't have a good friend in her class.

Jacob:

I took Jacob to school at his new school, which is closer to downtown.  He seemed to have a really good day.

 He spent the day at "Camp Fox River Academy," which is what they do the first week of school.  They went to the park and played get-to-know-you games, toured the ravine (where they do a lot of outdoor education), and ate celery and goldfish crackers for a snack.  He also learned that (this year) they will get to go fishing and - just in case we have the need - he can now identify a plant that's good to put on mosquito bites to stop the itch.

He is in a 3rd/4th split class that seems to be at least 60% boys.  His teacher is Mrs. Thomas (she's been teaching there for 4 years), and there are three "Jacobs" in his class plus a few "Connors."  I'd heard a lot of good things about his teacher, even from people who don't have kids in the school.  So, that's good!  I think he'll really enjoy the year.

Can't argue with that logic

In a break from vacation postings (you know - long enough for me to forget what else we did), Jacob announced that he knows where he wants to live when he grows up...... Nevada.

Have to admit that if he would have asked me to guess, it would have taken a LONG time to arrive at Nevada.

The next obvious question is - why?

Well, it shares a border with California, but has fewer earthquakes.  So on a day that you know there is not going to be an earthquake, it will be very easy to get to California in order to mine for diamonds.

Ah.