First Free Friday in Forever?

This was the first weekend without an indoor soccer game in.... well.... a really long time.  Soccer wrapped up last week and Jacob's baseball games start next Saturday.  It's a brief interlude.

I took my camera last week to the game, but due to the fast-paced nature of indoor soccer and the very small section of wall without plexiglass/net, I did not really get any good pictures.

I did take advantage of the free Friday by going out with some women from work for wine.  I even finagled a ride, which meant I got to drink two glasses!  I know - I live right out there on the edge!

Starts so young.....

Well, I know Allison isn't involved because she has neither a phone nor accounts at any social media sites.  However - I always worry that she'll still end up the victim of cyberbullying or whatever else kids might do today.  I do not know what the problem below is; and Allison also did not know.  We did have a discussion in the car this morning about how the kids should not post anything online that they wouldn't feel comfortable saying to that person face-to-face.  I don't know if that's a good rule, but it seems a good enough place to start.  I think the problem sometimes with kids and social media stems from the ability to do things anonymously or "removed" from the effects of their actions.  Humans (and especially kids) are not good at judging the "rightness" of actions when the consequences are at some indeterminate time in the future.  If we were - I would totally have not had that second handful of Easter candy. 

The other issue is how does a parent "monitor" their kids' social media.  Jacob, for example, has started playing Clash of Clans, which is an open social gaming app.  Brian also downloaded the app and joined Jacob's clan.  Right now, Jacob thinks that's pretty cool and Brian gets to monitor the other people who join Jacob's clan (which I think is awesome and totally appropriate at his age).  But there will be a day when the kids don't want to "friend" mom and dad and/or get savvy enough to block mom and dad from seeing the content.  And I don't think that's necessarily bad.  I mean - I wouldn't have wanted my parents listening in on every phone call I made when I was in middle school. 

But the list of cyber rules is long and the kids don't always understand why the rules are important (and thus, I think, less likely to take them seriously or follow them).  Rules we've already shared with Jacob:

1) never use your real name

2) never tell anyone your age, address, or other personal information

3) tell an adult if someone starts asking you questions you think are creepy

4) don't put anything online you wouldn't say to someone's face

Their questions continue, though, and I don't have good answers.

A) can I leave comments on a you tube video (apparently Allison does this, if you ever see that Brian "liked" a Monster High video, it's because Allison is logged in through Brian's You Tube account.... or he likes Monster High).

B) but so-and-so will send me a free ______ if I like their page and write a comment

C) I want to follow ______ on Twitter to get good seeds for Minecraft

We're stuck teaching our kids to socialize in real life and also in this ever-changing online world.  And as much as I'd like to stick my head in the sand, I know there will be a time soon when the majority of their friends have accounts on website xyz and they will want an account on website xyz.  

Anyway my long-winded writing today is all in response to this letter we (and all 5/6 parents at the school) got yesterday (some names removed):

Dear Parents,

It has been brought to our attention through many different sources that our 5^th and 6^th grade students at our school are using social media sites in unkind and inappropriate ways. Due to the nature of what has been brought to our attention, we feel strongly that as parents and teachers we need to be fully aware of the activities and sites that many of our children are using on a regular basis. We have asked our police liaison officer to come speak to our students on Friday about the seriousness of their activities on these social network sites. Officer _____ is more than willing to have a parent meeting as well to help you become more informed and knowledgeable about how you can help as a parent.

The sunk cost fallacy

So, I've been teaching economics.  This is a bit funny because I hated economics in college and skipped it more than any other class (except maybe that one physics class).  It didn't help that the class was something like 1000 people taught in that auditorium building on the quad.  The memories are hazy, the subject never made sense to me, and I still can't properly draw a supply and demand curve.  None-the-less, a group of engineering students are being subjected to my explanations of how economics applies to engineering on a weekly basis.  Because I have a PhD - that's why.

This has not been a good semester to be teaching a new class.  Conferences, search committees, death.... let's just say I bored MYSELF in class last night because I haven't had the time to prepare as much as I'd like to.  But in light of the challenging year, I've been thinking more about something I talk about in the economics class - Sunk Costs.

Sunk Costs (for anyone who remembers as much of their college economics classes as I do) are those expenses in the past.  No matter what the present circumstance, you cannot change the past costs.  They are paid.  End of Story.  Your best move is to consider the current circumstances and make the best decisions regarding the future.

Simple.

Except it's not.

Have you ever eaten the food on your plate because otherwise it would go to waste, only to end up feeling slightly ill after the meal and your feelings about the experience significantly lower than they would have been if you would have just quit eating when you were full?  (sunk costs)  Have you ever held onto a pair of pants that you've never worn because there is something wrong with them that you didn't realize until you brought them home and now you can't take them back but every time you look at them hanging in the closet you are reminded that you spent money on something you've never used?  (sunk costs)

So - why am I hanging on to "stuff" that I don't use, probably won't use, and if I ever do decide to use will be obsolete?  Wouldn't I be happier with less stuff to see, clean, and move around the house in laundry baskets masquerading as boxes?  Why do we continue to do therapy with Allison, even though we don't think it's going well?  Because we've invested so much time in it.  Does that invested time make the the next session go better?  No.  "You can't quit piano, you've done it for 5 years."  So what? - if you aren't going to enjoy the next year, could your time be better spent elsewhere?  And Candy Crush - need I say more?

We value a certain amount of stick-to-it-ivness.  And I don't think that's bad if the end payoff will be positive.  Yes, keep the backpacking equipment that you haven't used for 4 years if you anticipate using it for an awesome trip in a few years when the kids are older.  But if you don't like rollerblading - don't hang on to them just because they were expensive in the first place.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter Sunday!  The kids were excited to get up this morning and discover baskets filled with sidewalk chalk and eggs hidden around the downstairs.

We were late with the egg dying, so we also did that this morning.  Note that the egg dyes are in coffee cups.  I'm just saying that there might have been a moment where the coffee mug filled with egg dye was confused with the coffee mug filled with coffee.....

(also, check out Allison's new glasses that she LOVES).

After the egg dying and showers, we headed out to brunch at the Kangaroost - one of our favorite local restaurants and home of awesome brunches.

It's been low-key, but nice.

Oh yeah - the cat!

So, we got a cat!  Actually, we got her a few weeks ago, but I'm just writing about it now.  Funny story, actually...

I had decided that I wanted a cat.  The kids were totally on board with this plan.  I think Brian was more-or-less indifferent and maybe skewing a little towards "really????"  But I had some very specific requirements for a new addition to the household.  

1) must be declawed.

2) must be friendly.

3) must not be a kitten (kittens are a crap-shoot for personality later on).

So, I started with a local no-kill cat shelter.  I took the kids one evening and we met two very nice kitties.  I had to fill out some reference check paperwork to actually go in a pet the cats, but all was well.  Allison's favorite was (of course) the 20 pound FIV positive 13 year old cat.  Uh - no.  

So, then we went BACK to the cat shelter with Brian that weekend.  The kids were - shall we say - excited.  And I got the impression that our choice to have a declawed cat was somewhat frowned upon.  I don't know why - we wanted a cat that was already declawed - we weren't going to have it done to an undeclawed cat.

Well, a few days later I got an e-mail from the shelter saying that they didn't think the cats we were considering would be a good fit in our household.  They discussed our situation with the adoption counselors (?) and could not guarantee the safety of a declawed cat in our home.  Read-Between-The-Lines = The-Kids-Were-Too-Excitable and the cat would have no way to defend itself against the onslaught of attention.  Clearly, a double-income, cat-experienced, well-educated household with children who will love an animal and have no other pets to compete with is a terrible, terrible place for a cat!  I totally agree!  I mean - look at the horror!!!

So, next stop - Oshkosh Humane Society.  Allison and I stopped there on my birthday on our way home from Madison.  We met several nice kitties, but none really that I got super excited about.  So, I went on Thursday to the Appleton Humane Society and met two very cute cats: Riley, who was Superfriendly, white, and shed like crazy, and Kitty Gaga, who was a little less friendly, but also considerably less sheddy.

The kids had a half day the next day so I took them to meet the two cats.  The kids voted Kitty Gaga.  I figured there would also be an application, reference check, etc there too - but the lady was basically like "sure, when do you want to take her home!" and I was like....... uh, tomorrow?

The only problem with "tomorrow" was that we had NO cat stuff and I had to teach all day, which meant that I needed to send Brian to pick up the cat.  Brian, who had not met and/or exactly agreed to the bringing home of said cat.  (I was relaying this story to a friend who then said I was no longer in the running for wife-of-the-year. The fact that she thought I might have at some point been in the running was sweet to begin with).

So, Allison and I went to pick up a bunch of cat supplies, and then Brian and the kids went to pick up the cat.  Then I left for NC for most of the next week.  Yep!  I rock!

So - here she is:  Kitty Gaga.  She needs a new name, however as time passes the hurdle of getting a new name is getting larger.  The options are this: Frankie, Wiley, Kitty, and Sky.  We've eliminated Sky from the running. Feel free to cast your vote in the comments.  She likes armrests, belly rubs, and sleeping on our heads.  And yes - she looks EXACTLY like our last cat.  That was not the plan.

My new newsletter

I would like to start an alumni newsletter that features "People who just do regular stuff."

It will feature people who are teachers, nurses, doctors, engineers, stay-at-home moms, farmers, writers, business administrators, or whatever else does not include founding a world-famous technology company or finding the gene that causes cancer.

It will praise our annual $50 contributions to the scholarship fund.

It'll discuss how we "started" training for that triathlon we got pressured into signing up for by that one woman who always has time for everything.

And we'll cop to the fact that the volunteering we do is really just helping our kids go door-to-door to raise money for the endless list of crap our kids need to raise money for.

Yes, this will be my alumni newsletter..... for the other 95%.

In Memoriam

Even though I didn't ask (what child does?)..... today I'm not sharing my own words, but my Dad's:

Eulogy for Jeanne – April 2, 2014

I am sure DiDi (Minister present) has said many times, the Lord does not give you more burden than you can carry – but He does push the limit!  On behalf of Jeanne’s family, we want to thank you for the love, hugs, stories, support, and food you have given us.  More importantly, on behalf of Jeanne’s family, we wish to thank you for the love and support you provided Jeanne over the years.

Do you believe in fairy tales?

On June 7, 1968, a little princess named Jeanne was born in Fremont, Michigan.  Fremont is the home of Gerber Baby Food – what a great place to begin life.  She had two parents who loved her very much.  They watched her grow into a little girl who enjoyed fairy tales – listening to Snow White, Cinderella, and Humpty Dumpty.  Everything was good and right.

Those two parents and a loving aunt and uncle got up one cold November morning to stand outside for hours to help Santa buy a Cabbage Patch doll so a little girl would not be disappointed with Christmas and everything would be good and right.  If only life could remain so simple, we would stand out in the cold for days to make everything good and right.

The little girl was joined by two sisters and grew to be a teen.  Like her sisters, she was pretty, smart, and popular.  In high school she was Homecoming Queen, President of the Senior Class, and graduated near the top of her class to go on to complete a rigorous college degree in Engineering.

When the teen grew into a woman, her family expanded to include a step mother and two step sisters. Jeanne became a mother, bearing two sons who are handsome and smart.  She loved them very much and she was loved very much by her parents, sisters, and family. Everything was good and right.

But like Humpty Dumpty she had a great fall.  All the kings’ horses and all the king’s men could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

So, as with ourselves, let’s draw her faults in the sand and chisel her virtues in stone.  This woman’s stone will contain a very long list of virtues.   Yes, we still believe in fairy tales.

Parents are not supposed to lose children, but we have gained some solace from the Serenity Prayer:

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Grant me patience with the changes that take time, an appreciation for all that I have, tolerance for those with different struggles, and the strength to get up and try again, one day at a time.