What I want in a babysitter

We are training what (I hope) is our last round of babysitters.  Every few years, I start with some new 7th-8th graders and they finally get good about the same time that (a) they get a license so I don't have to drive them home, and (b) they get a license so they have other things to do besides babysit.

But my list of requirements is pretty simple and I'm not particularly picky.  Here are some things that have happened in the past and I've still had the babysitter back:

- they put a diaper on backwards (two different people did this)
- the dog is pink
- one child suddenly has a mullet


And, granted, none of those things THRILL me - but it happens.  However, there is a separate list that bugs me more.  Perhaps because it's filled with things that fall into the category of "you are kindof an employee of mine and I am paying you for more than being a body in the house who can call 911 if necessary."  This list includes:

- half-eaten containers of food in random rooms
- dishes left in the same place they were used
- toys and games with pieces scattered around the floor, even though the kids have been in bed for 2 hours
- your facebook account open on my iPad


So to any future babysitters, here's the short list of getting on my good side:

1) the house should be as clean as it was when I left.  There is some flexibility provided here to daytime babysitters who are playing games when I get back.  If the kids are sleeping - the toys should be picked up.  You can have them do it, if not - you should do it.  I give you a pass on anything that was out when you arrived - but there are bonus points for picking those up too.

2) put dishes in the sink.  The dishwasher would be even better - but at the very least, dump out the leftovers and move the dishes to the counter.

3) don't use the computer / iPad / etc.  Chances are you have a cell phone with you anyway.  If you have some downtime once the kids are in bed - use your OWN electronic devices. 

4) Use logic when the kids ask for thing and PLEASE don't call me unless it's an emergency.  Can the kids play wii?  You know what - you decide - if I didn't give you directives when I left - I don't care.  Should the kids have 5 desserts?  Um - again - think logically and chances are you're the one putting them to bed - so whatever.  I don't need to be involved in these decisions.  I'm enjoying a night out and/or working and/or in a meeting.  Would your parents let YOU do it?  Let that be your guide.

5) if you want to impress me - bring something with you to do with my kids.  It shows that you've thought about this in advance, you're prepared, and you plan to spend your time interacting with the kids.

The fridge is stocked

but unfortunately a meal is hard to make.  I've (we've?) been having fun using the fruits and veggies from the farmer's market and the CSA to make stuff.  That stuff is awesome.  It takes up fridge space, and now there's nowhere to put food.  A conundrum.

There's strawberry balsamic jam, strawberry kiwi jam, garlic scape pesto, blueberry syrup, pickled blueberries, homemade marichino cherries (tart and sweet), homemade pickles (regular and spicy), marinated cheese, corn, lemon curd, and homemade ketchup.  There's probably more that's I've forgotten about, plus everything that has already been consumed!  There are bottles stacked on jars, such that I hardly let the kids get anything out of the fridge for fear the whole kit and kaboodle will come crashing down on their heads.

We have (I think) no less than 15 different types of cheese (insert Wisconsin joke here).  And eggs.  If the space is not filled with things in jars or cheese it contains eggs.  We've learned that a dozen eggs a week is more eggs than we eat.  I think there are 4 dozen in there.

So, I'll gladly take recipes for meals where the ingredient list is eggs, jam, and cheese.  Quiche?  Every night will be breakfast for dinner.  Oh well - it's fun anyway.

This was not a good idea

 Last Friday we decided to do a Moonlight Paddle up in Green Bay.  It was an ambitious 7 mile trip down the Fox River from Depere to the bay.  We launched at 6:30pm and the paddle was anticipated to take about 3 hours, during which time the sun would set and we'd paddle along in the moonlight.  Sounds awesome, right?

Well, we should have initially noticed that there would be problems because the course was shortened due to the "high rollers" at the mouth of the bay.  Why?  The river flows north and there was a stiff wind coming from the north pushing all that water from Green Bay up into the Fox River.  Yeah, I'm a hydrologist I should know something about lake set-up.  Oh well, I'll remember it now.

Initially we didn't have any problems because we started upriver from the Depere lock.  They piled all the paddlers into the lock and closed us in.  This was actually very, very cool, though somewhat anxiety-producing.

Here is Jacob in our kayak at the start.  Note that we are on the left side of the lock and the water level is high.

Here we are with the water level dropped.  We were pulled first backward and then to the right, which if you are trapped in a lock and the water is pulling you in crazy directions, you do feel a bit like you might get sucked down the drain.

Once we were through the lock, we began the long part of the paddle.  As we moved downriver, the wind picked up and so did the waves.  At first, it was great fun.  Jacob loved the waves and "woohoo'ed" every one.  That lasted not too long.  The waves got bigger, the wind stiffer, and then the sun went down and it got colder.

We were not making progress very quickly and if you stopped paddling - you went back upriver.  In addition, the uneven weight distribution in the kayaks meant that if you were not dead-on into the wind, it would pick up the front of the kayak and have you perpendicular to the waves in no time.

So on we went.  I think one of the guides must have been a little concerned about us, because he paddled along for about the last 1/3 of the trip asking frequently how we were doing.  (Incidentally, we were not the farthest group back).  I had to employ an old trick I used when we had long sets in swimming - counting repeatedly to 4 to keep rhythm.

And on we went.  Nearing the final lights of the pull out, we were approached from behind by..... the police.  "You are too far in the middle of the channel, also you aren't supposed to be in kayaks at night, please move to the side."  Yeah - at that point I would have gladly taken "getting pulled over" if it came with a ride to shore.  The problem with moving to the side of the channel was brought up previously - any deviation from straight on into the wind was going to put us cross-wind and that close to the end may flip the whole boat in the waves.  In the dark.

So, finally we made it to the pull out.  Wet, tired, sore, and cold.  Allison's comment: "Mom. Dad. This was Not A Good Idea."

Orthodontia

The assistants in the orthodontist's office think I'm the worst parent in the world.  Background: Allison is scared of new things; I lack patience.

So, the first trip (where they put in the spacers) ended in screaming.  From Allison, not me.  The assistant tried to reassure her, Allison kept asking questions, reassurance, same questions, reassurance, same questions.  Rinse and repeat.  MANY TIMES.  Finally, it gets done.  Screaming.

Second trip - remove spacers, take impressions (yuck), replace spacers.  Reassurance, questions, reassurance, stalling, reassurance, "hey, want to hear a story about my vacation" (clearly stalling), took too long - the impression material hardened before they got it in her mouth.  Repeat - only this time I am more forcefully applying Mom-Pressure ("JUST OPEN UP!").  Same result - too long - no good.  Third time - after much gagging - she gets it done.  The 30 minute appointment was one hour - twenty minutes.

Third trip - remove spacers, insert appliance.  I send her back alone thinking this might work better.  No.  I hear (as does everyone in the waiting room) some variation of the following conversation: "Ok, open up, I'm just going to remove the spacers, remember this doesn't hurt." "I'm scared." "But remember, you've done this before, I just need to take them out and it doesn't hurt."  "But, will it hurt?"  Back and forth - somewhere between 5-10 minutes.

I walk back - "Allison, you did this before, quit stalling, open up."  Big sigh from Allison.  "Fine." Mouth open, spacers out - 30 second later.  I return to my seat only to be called back about 5 minutes later because she's again refusing to open her mouth to put the expander in.  I'd like to think I was firm and direct, but I'm pretty sure the frustration was seeping into my "it WON'T hurt, just TRY it."  Finally I showed her my watch (30 minutes into the 30 minute appointment) asked her what time it was (4:00) and what happened at 4:30 (Liz comes over) so just do this thing.  Ok, appliance placed, orthodontist checked.

Now we have to take it out and do it again - with glue.  Big deep breath.  "I don't like the glue, I don't want to taste the glue, how long will the glue be in there, NO GLUE!"  Despite repeat assurances that the glue was tasteless, the assistant put the "littlest amount of glue on ever" she had it in her head that something else was going to happen.  It's very difficult to make Allison's brain change lanes when she's decided the world in one way and you insist it's another.  So again - here's me - "just open up, you did this like 15 minutes ago and it didn't hurt."  Thirty minute appointment now over an hour.

And for anyone whose encountered Allison in the last month and heard all about what she can and cannot eat with spacers - we've now upped the ante.  Orthodontia are clearly not conducive to a high calorie diet - unless that diet is purely milkshakes, which is what I gave her for breakfast this morning. 

Immaculate

There is a simple reason why my house is not immaculate:  I don't care enough.

There are a lot of reasons why people keep immaculate houses.  Perhaps they expect visitors to drop by on a moment's notice.  Perhaps they have OCD.  Isn't there some quote about cleanliness leads to godliness?  Perhaps they subscribe to the "a place for everything and everything in it's place" mantra.

My mantra is this: clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy.  I do look around (often) and think - wow it would be nice for all these horizontal surfaces to be free of "piles" and the toy area to look more organized than haphazardly piled.  Sometimes I clean the kitchen for the sole purpose of making a mess in it again - a.k.a. cooking.  But then I think of the 80-20 rule and decide it's good enough.  I can spend 15 minutes "picking up" a room or an hour cleaning it - and I'm choosing the 15 minutes almost every time.  Why? - multiply an hour by 8 rooms and that's a whole day cleaning!

One flaw in my system (yes, see how I call it a "system" to give it some more legitimacy) is that it's confusing to the kids.  I say "clean up your mess" and what does that mean?  Throw it all in the toy bin in your room with the lid on it so mom can't see but then when you go to play you have to take it all back out again to find the one little shoe missing from Tinkerbell's outfit?  Or does it mean sort and organize so that all the fairies are in one bin, barbies in another, star wars separated from star wars lego?  If my house were immaculate - the end point of cleaning would be clear. 

It's true - I see clean houses and kindof want that.  It's also entirely possible for me to organize and have an immaculate house.  I believe that I am capable of it.  I just don't WANT it badly enough.  I want it vaguely from a distance like "gee that would be be nice."   I rationalize that my friends like me for my winning personality, not my immaculate house.  Also - I can always arrange to meet them in neutral locations - like Starbucks. 

I do need to hunt for a cleaning service this summer, due to my strong aversion to using anything chemical other than kitchen counter spray.  Perhaps that will elevate the house from "picked up" to "clean" ..... at least once every other week, that is. 

Toilet Paper Math

What has me whipping my phone calculator out in the grocery store?  Answer - toilet paper.  Since Brian's days at P&G, we've been a Charmin family and I don't really consider other brands.  Which is good...... since Charmin does a fair job giving me choices all by itself.

First - extra strong or extra soft?  (I exclude 'basic' from the get-go).  Ok - is there some rule about toilet paper not being both strong and soft??  Also, if it's not basic - is it deluxe?  We choose strong - it is moderately soft and who wants toilet paper that might fall apart?  (actually, I can't tell a lick of different between soft and strong - so I defer to the former paper engineer.)

Second - do I want 12 mega rolls or 8 super rolls?  Or 16 giant rolls?  16 giant rolls might be $14, while the 12 mega rolls are $9 and the 8 super rolls are $4.  But the math is not that simple people - because 16 giant rolls is not twice as much toilet paper as 8 super rolls.  Each super roll is 2 regular roll but 16 giant rolls is 4 regular rolls; and a mega roll is 3 regular rolls! 

To determine the best deal on toilet paper I have to compare the prices per number of regular rolls.  (what's the MOST funny is that toilet paper is the ONLY product in the store that I am consistantly worried about getting the best value for - there may be twice as much cereal for only $1 more and I think - "yeah, but I don't want that much").

P&G is nice enough to provide the regular roll conversion for you on the front of the package.  None-the-less, I have to divide the prices by large numbers ($14/36 versus $9.52/24).  I try to do the 24 is 2/3 of 36 so what is 2/3 of $14 and is that more than or less than $9?  $9 + $4.5 is $13.50 which is a little less than $14, but when I factor in the $0.52 fudge factor it's too close!!

So yeah - I got out my calculator to ENSURE that I got the best deal on Charmin extra strong.

Strawberries galore!

We joined a new CSA this summer.  We ordered not only a veggie, but a fruit share.  Holy yumminess!  Although I was super excited about the first flat of strawberries in week 1; I was a little less sure of what to do with the flat of strawberries in week 2.  So far, we've made four batches of strawberry balsamic jam (they are pretty small batches), strawberry syrup, strawberry/watermelon lemonade, strawberry/raspberry/watermelon lemonade, strawberry shortcake, strawberry/rhubarb soda, strawberry/rhubarb compote, strawberry pie, and homemade strawberry pop tarts. 

We were also fortunate to have a friend drop off a big box of tart cherries, especially since 95% of the Door County cherry crop was wiped out due to a warm March and cold April.  Those cherries have been cleaned, pitted, and frozen and are awaiting their futures in pie.  Perhaps also a few will make it into cherry pop tarts.

So this week, I'm really kindof hoping for raspberries, as I'm running out of strawberry recipes.  Also, I seem to clean the kitchen only to make another mess in it shortly thereafter.  I guess there could be worse things.....