Why do girls get the bad rap when it comes to neighborhood drama?
We returned from a nice weekend camping to a..... ballsy?.... facebook message from our neighbor. Because, you know, facebook messenger is the BEST way to send out sensitive information without offending people.
This message came to three moms on the street; thus becoming a conversation about all the 9-10 year old boys on our block. I've told this story a few times and it's long. I'll try to boil it down.
Original message: I would like everyone to know that your kids are being mean to my kid and it all started when they accused him of something stupid that he didn't do. It was completely inappropriate and not one boy ever apologized for accusing him of said stupid thing. I want to make sure this never happens again while I'm at work and my three kids are home alone - which is - you know - every day.
Responder #1: This actually all started when your son did this terrible thing to my son, and I was home when it happened and your son never apologized and I think it's terrible that your kid did this thing and I informed MY kid to just let it go, but if you're bringing it up now... let's go there.
Original poster: Well, I'll talk to my son about that, but there has been lots of stuff and your kids have been involved too.
Me: Gee, kids are dumb sometimes. I'll talk to my kid to make sure that he's not intentionally being mean to people. (secretly thinking that the real problem is that Original kid and Responder #1 are both Chiefs and my kid and the other are both Indians - and the two Chiefs have been warring over the Indians all summer)
Original poster: My kid says he never did that terrible thing to Responder #1's kid.
Me: Uh.... he actually did that, I was also home at that time.
Original poster: Well, I just don't believe that because my kid is a bad liar and I would know if he was lying to me.
And Herein Lies the Real Problem: Your kid is, in fact, a phenomenal liar. Quite possibly, he's one of the most manipulative kids I know. He's not a 'bad' kid, but he's very smart has a lot of charisma and he wants to lead the pack. But, you, parent - have no clue. Worse, he's manipulating you. He's convinced you that this is the only incident all summer. You, of course, don't know about the time he threw water balloons at someone, hitting them in the face and knocking them out of the tree. Or the time he held down someone and spit all over him. Your kid and his friend (who thankfully does not live near our street)
are responsible for at least two kids at their elementary school
transferring to other schools. But - worse - when alerted to these things by adults - you brush them off as things that couldn't have been possibly done by your sweet little boy.
I feel like I have a handle on my kids strengths and weaknesses. Maybe I don't always get them correct, but I do accept the fact that my kids are imperfect humans and they will make mistakes (sometimes bad mistakes).
But, for you, it will always be someone else's fault. The most powerful thing you could have done here is NOTHING. You could have let him learn that when his friends don't like his behavior, they won't play with him. Instead, you intervened and reinforced the idea that you think he can do no wrong and the problem is clearly everyone else.
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