Why do girls get the bad rap when it comes to neighborhood drama?
We returned from a nice weekend camping to a..... ballsy?.... facebook message from our neighbor. Because, you know, facebook messenger is the BEST way to send out sensitive information without offending people.
This message came to three moms on the street; thus becoming a conversation about all the 9-10 year old boys on our block. I've told this story a few times and it's long. I'll try to boil it down.
Original message: I would like everyone to know that your kids are being mean to my kid and it all started when they accused him of something stupid that he didn't do. It was completely inappropriate and not one boy ever apologized for accusing him of said stupid thing. I want to make sure this never happens again while I'm at work and my three kids are home alone - which is - you know - every day.
Responder #1: This actually all started when your son did this terrible thing to my son, and I was home when it happened and your son never apologized and I think it's terrible that your kid did this thing and I informed MY kid to just let it go, but if you're bringing it up now... let's go there.
Original poster: Well, I'll talk to my son about that, but there has been lots of stuff and your kids have been involved too.
Me: Gee, kids are dumb sometimes. I'll talk to my kid to make sure that he's not intentionally being mean to people. (secretly thinking that the real problem is that Original kid and Responder #1 are both Chiefs and my kid and the other are both Indians - and the two Chiefs have been warring over the Indians all summer)
Original poster: My kid says he never did that terrible thing to Responder #1's kid.
Me: Uh.... he actually did that, I was also home at that time.
Original poster: Well, I just don't believe that because my kid is a bad liar and I would know if he was lying to me.
And Herein Lies the Real Problem: Your kid is, in fact, a phenomenal liar. Quite possibly, he's one of the most manipulative kids I know. He's not a 'bad' kid, but he's very smart has a lot of charisma and he wants to lead the pack. But, you, parent - have no clue. Worse, he's manipulating you. He's convinced you that this is the only incident all summer. You, of course, don't know about the time he threw water balloons at someone, hitting them in the face and knocking them out of the tree. Or the time he held down someone and spit all over him. Your kid and his friend (who thankfully does not live near our street)
are responsible for at least two kids at their elementary school
transferring to other schools. But - worse - when alerted to these things by adults - you brush them off as things that couldn't have been possibly done by your sweet little boy.
I feel like I have a handle on my kids strengths and weaknesses. Maybe I don't always get them correct, but I do accept the fact that my kids are imperfect humans and they will make mistakes (sometimes bad mistakes).
But, for you, it will always be someone else's fault. The most powerful thing you could have done here is NOTHING. You could have let him learn that when his friends don't like his behavior, they won't play with him. Instead, you intervened and reinforced the idea that you think he can do no wrong and the problem is clearly everyone else.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Middle School Registration
Sweltering heat, missing locker key, and quite possibly the worst math textbook ever.
Allison had school registration yesterday. It can be summed up quite nicely with the sentence above. Plus, long lines of people.
Admittedly, they did their best to move several hundred 7th graders through the arduous process of paying fees, getting school pictures, printing ID's, getting schedules, buying heart monitor straps, checking out textbooks, and renting locker organizers. However, it was not without it's hiccups.
First, the pictures were in the small gym in the center of the building. Yeah - the one with no windows and/or air circulation. You waited in three lines total - one to get your ID ticket, one to take the pictures, and one to print the ID's after you took the pictures. I was worried that I had a big sweat mark on my back where I was holding Allison's bag of binders and notebooks. :-( It was hot.
Then there was an incredibly long line for buying the $8 required heart monitor strap for gym class. While I stood in line, I sent Allison on errands to sign off on her handbook and check out the locker organizer rental. She was not interested in the cross-country team. Not shocked about that.
We went to pick up her textbooks in the library and then the final stop was her locker. The only problem was that she has a keyed rather than a combination lock. There is a long story about this keyed lock, which is not relevant to tell here other than the fact that Allison prefers a keyed lock even though I'd prefer she have a combination lock. It seems like something that falls squarely into the category of "not worth fighting over." Instead, I took up arms over her having a backpack without cartoon characters on it.
Anywho... after the two day MS orientation last week, Allison left her key with the science teacher (as she was supposed to), who also seems to be the main coordinator on fact-and-fees day. So, she was running hither and yon doing a little bit of everything and had no idea where she left the locker keys. This left us standing in the hallway with a book bag full of binders and notebooks, textbooks, and a wooden locker organizer with no way to access Allison's locker.
Fortunately, the autism resource teacher let us put the organizer in her room and we made arrangements to come in next week and bring all her school supplies in. So, we schlepped everything else home, which is when I got the opportunity to take a look at the math textbook. First off, the series is Grade 6, Grade 7 Accelerated, Grade 8 Algebra. Why is Grade 7 Accelerated? What's accelerated about it? There was no Grade 7 regular option. That was weird. And then on top of that, the textbook is just awful. It's like someone had a field day with crazy fonts and colors. I mean, if everything is highlighted then how can you FIND the actual important shit?
It should be an interesting year. Then I got home and Brian reminded me that Allison's IEP actually included textbook book printouts so that she could write on them. I'd forgotten about that, but in looking at the book, I'm not sure that's even going to be helpful.
So, this will be an interesting transition. Allison herself waffles about it. I think she's excited to be in middle school now, but not thrilled with the whole "going back to school" business.
Allison had school registration yesterday. It can be summed up quite nicely with the sentence above. Plus, long lines of people.
Admittedly, they did their best to move several hundred 7th graders through the arduous process of paying fees, getting school pictures, printing ID's, getting schedules, buying heart monitor straps, checking out textbooks, and renting locker organizers. However, it was not without it's hiccups.
First, the pictures were in the small gym in the center of the building. Yeah - the one with no windows and/or air circulation. You waited in three lines total - one to get your ID ticket, one to take the pictures, and one to print the ID's after you took the pictures. I was worried that I had a big sweat mark on my back where I was holding Allison's bag of binders and notebooks. :-( It was hot.
Then there was an incredibly long line for buying the $8 required heart monitor strap for gym class. While I stood in line, I sent Allison on errands to sign off on her handbook and check out the locker organizer rental. She was not interested in the cross-country team. Not shocked about that.
We went to pick up her textbooks in the library and then the final stop was her locker. The only problem was that she has a keyed rather than a combination lock. There is a long story about this keyed lock, which is not relevant to tell here other than the fact that Allison prefers a keyed lock even though I'd prefer she have a combination lock. It seems like something that falls squarely into the category of "not worth fighting over." Instead, I took up arms over her having a backpack without cartoon characters on it.
Anywho... after the two day MS orientation last week, Allison left her key with the science teacher (as she was supposed to), who also seems to be the main coordinator on fact-and-fees day. So, she was running hither and yon doing a little bit of everything and had no idea where she left the locker keys. This left us standing in the hallway with a book bag full of binders and notebooks, textbooks, and a wooden locker organizer with no way to access Allison's locker.
Fortunately, the autism resource teacher let us put the organizer in her room and we made arrangements to come in next week and bring all her school supplies in. So, we schlepped everything else home, which is when I got the opportunity to take a look at the math textbook. First off, the series is Grade 6, Grade 7 Accelerated, Grade 8 Algebra. Why is Grade 7 Accelerated? What's accelerated about it? There was no Grade 7 regular option. That was weird. And then on top of that, the textbook is just awful. It's like someone had a field day with crazy fonts and colors. I mean, if everything is highlighted then how can you FIND the actual important shit?
It should be an interesting year. Then I got home and Brian reminded me that Allison's IEP actually included textbook book printouts so that she could write on them. I'd forgotten about that, but in looking at the book, I'm not sure that's even going to be helpful.
So, this will be an interesting transition. Allison herself waffles about it. I think she's excited to be in middle school now, but not thrilled with the whole "going back to school" business.
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