Love and Logic

A long, long time ago - the psychologist and the councilor that we took Allison to recommended some books. Of course, being caught up in the moments and stresses of that year, I promptly nodded my head and set the list aside with a promise to get to them soon. So, I guess in the spirit of the three year cabinet project - I have started checking these books out from the library. (To be fair - we did read two of the books on the list then - but I did not find them particularly helpful and set the rest of the list aside).

I've gotten through one - Parenting with Love and Logic. The book is slightly dated (1980's), which presents a few problems. I think the general philosophy is interesting - it promotes letting children learn from their mistakes when they are young and the stakes are relatively low - rather than always rescuing them and eventually when you can no longer step in - the stakes are much higher. For example - if your child does not practice their words and fails a spelling test - the logical consequence is that they have failed the test. They contend that said child already feels badly about the F, and you stepping in with additional consequences, you simply insert yourself into a situation and then said child gets mad at you for the additional consequences. So, rather than being mad, you are supposed to be sympathetic.

I have tried this a few times. I have a difficult time showing sympathy while not sounding sarcastic. Example - Jacob is supposed to brush his teeth before bed. Lots of times he "forgets" and then wants to get up after lights out. Last night I said that I was sorry that he forgot to brush his teeth, that I would not like to go to bed without brushing my teeth, but that he could do it in the morning. See - how do you do that without sounding a little less than truly sympathetic. I think it's the "I wouldn't like to go to bed with fuzzy teeth either" line.

I'm typing this now because Jacob also just missed his shot at a vitamin this morning and he's being rather persistent. Actually - he was offered a vitamin and refused to take it because he didn't get to pick it out of the container himself. That was 20 minutes ago.

Why the book is dated - I think one suggestion to bickering in the car was to make the kids get out and walk. Didn't someone get arrested a few years ago for that? What does that say about society that written (and still recommended) parenting advice from 20 years ago could land you in jail today. Good thing no one checks on fuzzy teeth.