Why do girls get the bad rap when it comes to neighborhood drama?
We returned from a nice weekend camping to a..... ballsy?.... facebook message from our neighbor. Because, you know, facebook messenger is the BEST way to send out sensitive information without offending people.
This message came to three moms on the street; thus becoming a conversation about all the 9-10 year old boys on our block. I've told this story a few times and it's long. I'll try to boil it down.
Original message: I would like everyone to know that your kids are being mean to my kid and it all started when they accused him of something stupid that he didn't do. It was completely inappropriate and not one boy ever apologized for accusing him of said stupid thing. I want to make sure this never happens again while I'm at work and my three kids are home alone - which is - you know - every day.
Responder #1: This actually all started when your son did this terrible thing to my son, and I was home when it happened and your son never apologized and I think it's terrible that your kid did this thing and I informed MY kid to just let it go, but if you're bringing it up now... let's go there.
Original poster: Well, I'll talk to my son about that, but there has been lots of stuff and your kids have been involved too.
Me: Gee, kids are dumb sometimes. I'll talk to my kid to make sure that he's not intentionally being mean to people. (secretly thinking that the real problem is that Original kid and Responder #1 are both Chiefs and my kid and the other are both Indians - and the two Chiefs have been warring over the Indians all summer)
Original poster: My kid says he never did that terrible thing to Responder #1's kid.
Me: Uh.... he actually did that, I was also home at that time.
Original poster: Well, I just don't believe that because my kid is a bad liar and I would know if he was lying to me.
And Herein Lies the Real Problem: Your kid is, in fact, a phenomenal liar. Quite possibly, he's one of the most manipulative kids I know. He's not a 'bad' kid, but he's very smart has a lot of charisma and he wants to lead the pack. But, you, parent - have no clue. Worse, he's manipulating you. He's convinced you that this is the only incident all summer. You, of course, don't know about the time he threw water balloons at someone, hitting them in the face and knocking them out of the tree. Or the time he held down someone and spit all over him. Your kid and his friend (who thankfully does not live near our street)
are responsible for at least two kids at their elementary school
transferring to other schools. But - worse - when alerted to these things by adults - you brush them off as things that couldn't have been possibly done by your sweet little boy.
I feel like I have a handle on my kids strengths and weaknesses. Maybe I don't always get them correct, but I do accept the fact that my kids are imperfect humans and they will make mistakes (sometimes bad mistakes).
But, for you, it will always be someone else's fault. The most powerful thing you could have done here is NOTHING. You could have let him learn that when his friends don't like his behavior, they won't play with him. Instead, you intervened and reinforced the idea that you think he can do no wrong and the problem is clearly everyone else.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Middle School Registration
Sweltering heat, missing locker key, and quite possibly the worst math textbook ever.
Allison had school registration yesterday. It can be summed up quite nicely with the sentence above. Plus, long lines of people.
Admittedly, they did their best to move several hundred 7th graders through the arduous process of paying fees, getting school pictures, printing ID's, getting schedules, buying heart monitor straps, checking out textbooks, and renting locker organizers. However, it was not without it's hiccups.
First, the pictures were in the small gym in the center of the building. Yeah - the one with no windows and/or air circulation. You waited in three lines total - one to get your ID ticket, one to take the pictures, and one to print the ID's after you took the pictures. I was worried that I had a big sweat mark on my back where I was holding Allison's bag of binders and notebooks. :-( It was hot.
Then there was an incredibly long line for buying the $8 required heart monitor strap for gym class. While I stood in line, I sent Allison on errands to sign off on her handbook and check out the locker organizer rental. She was not interested in the cross-country team. Not shocked about that.
We went to pick up her textbooks in the library and then the final stop was her locker. The only problem was that she has a keyed rather than a combination lock. There is a long story about this keyed lock, which is not relevant to tell here other than the fact that Allison prefers a keyed lock even though I'd prefer she have a combination lock. It seems like something that falls squarely into the category of "not worth fighting over." Instead, I took up arms over her having a backpack without cartoon characters on it.
Anywho... after the two day MS orientation last week, Allison left her key with the science teacher (as she was supposed to), who also seems to be the main coordinator on fact-and-fees day. So, she was running hither and yon doing a little bit of everything and had no idea where she left the locker keys. This left us standing in the hallway with a book bag full of binders and notebooks, textbooks, and a wooden locker organizer with no way to access Allison's locker.
Fortunately, the autism resource teacher let us put the organizer in her room and we made arrangements to come in next week and bring all her school supplies in. So, we schlepped everything else home, which is when I got the opportunity to take a look at the math textbook. First off, the series is Grade 6, Grade 7 Accelerated, Grade 8 Algebra. Why is Grade 7 Accelerated? What's accelerated about it? There was no Grade 7 regular option. That was weird. And then on top of that, the textbook is just awful. It's like someone had a field day with crazy fonts and colors. I mean, if everything is highlighted then how can you FIND the actual important shit?
It should be an interesting year. Then I got home and Brian reminded me that Allison's IEP actually included textbook book printouts so that she could write on them. I'd forgotten about that, but in looking at the book, I'm not sure that's even going to be helpful.
So, this will be an interesting transition. Allison herself waffles about it. I think she's excited to be in middle school now, but not thrilled with the whole "going back to school" business.
Allison had school registration yesterday. It can be summed up quite nicely with the sentence above. Plus, long lines of people.
Admittedly, they did their best to move several hundred 7th graders through the arduous process of paying fees, getting school pictures, printing ID's, getting schedules, buying heart monitor straps, checking out textbooks, and renting locker organizers. However, it was not without it's hiccups.
First, the pictures were in the small gym in the center of the building. Yeah - the one with no windows and/or air circulation. You waited in three lines total - one to get your ID ticket, one to take the pictures, and one to print the ID's after you took the pictures. I was worried that I had a big sweat mark on my back where I was holding Allison's bag of binders and notebooks. :-( It was hot.
Then there was an incredibly long line for buying the $8 required heart monitor strap for gym class. While I stood in line, I sent Allison on errands to sign off on her handbook and check out the locker organizer rental. She was not interested in the cross-country team. Not shocked about that.
We went to pick up her textbooks in the library and then the final stop was her locker. The only problem was that she has a keyed rather than a combination lock. There is a long story about this keyed lock, which is not relevant to tell here other than the fact that Allison prefers a keyed lock even though I'd prefer she have a combination lock. It seems like something that falls squarely into the category of "not worth fighting over." Instead, I took up arms over her having a backpack without cartoon characters on it.
Anywho... after the two day MS orientation last week, Allison left her key with the science teacher (as she was supposed to), who also seems to be the main coordinator on fact-and-fees day. So, she was running hither and yon doing a little bit of everything and had no idea where she left the locker keys. This left us standing in the hallway with a book bag full of binders and notebooks, textbooks, and a wooden locker organizer with no way to access Allison's locker.
Fortunately, the autism resource teacher let us put the organizer in her room and we made arrangements to come in next week and bring all her school supplies in. So, we schlepped everything else home, which is when I got the opportunity to take a look at the math textbook. First off, the series is Grade 6, Grade 7 Accelerated, Grade 8 Algebra. Why is Grade 7 Accelerated? What's accelerated about it? There was no Grade 7 regular option. That was weird. And then on top of that, the textbook is just awful. It's like someone had a field day with crazy fonts and colors. I mean, if everything is highlighted then how can you FIND the actual important shit?
It should be an interesting year. Then I got home and Brian reminded me that Allison's IEP actually included textbook book printouts so that she could write on them. I'd forgotten about that, but in looking at the book, I'm not sure that's even going to be helpful.
So, this will be an interesting transition. Allison herself waffles about it. I think she's excited to be in middle school now, but not thrilled with the whole "going back to school" business.
Friday, July 10, 2015
Championship Game
Monday, June 29, 2015
annoyed
a.k.a. Jamie's typical feeling about this summer.
There is an abundance of boys and a lack of parents in our neighborhood in the summer. This lopsided distribution means that most "issues" fall into my lap to resolve and - of all the boys - there is really only one who is going to listen to anything that I say and he's not even that reliable.
So, six boys decided to throw some things (I don't even know what) at each other and one accidentally hit the plastic fence of the neighbor. This was apparently lots of fun because they then decided to aim for the plastic fence.
Then, they all scattered. Quickly. The scattering I witnessed.
This was followed by a ring of the doorbell.
Because apparently *my* son was throwing things at her fence and it's a giant plastic fence and she's worried about the structural integrity of her plastic fence and the fact that she may or may not have imaginary grandchildren playing on the other said of said fence.
OMG.
Then I try to track down 6 boys, who know they are in trouble because they saw her coming and ran to someone else's house. There were 6 boys who were NOT interested in being in trouble and certainly weren't the "boy in the red shirt" (only one kid in a red shirt, who was incidentally the only kid who the neighbor was certain was NOT involved).
In summary: 2 boys = game of monopoly. 4 boys = game of basketball. 6 boys = might as well be watching toddlers.
There is an abundance of boys and a lack of parents in our neighborhood in the summer. This lopsided distribution means that most "issues" fall into my lap to resolve and - of all the boys - there is really only one who is going to listen to anything that I say and he's not even that reliable.
So, six boys decided to throw some things (I don't even know what) at each other and one accidentally hit the plastic fence of the neighbor. This was apparently lots of fun because they then decided to aim for the plastic fence.
Then, they all scattered. Quickly. The scattering I witnessed.
This was followed by a ring of the doorbell.
Because apparently *my* son was throwing things at her fence and it's a giant plastic fence and she's worried about the structural integrity of her plastic fence and the fact that she may or may not have imaginary grandchildren playing on the other said of said fence.
OMG.
Then I try to track down 6 boys, who know they are in trouble because they saw her coming and ran to someone else's house. There were 6 boys who were NOT interested in being in trouble and certainly weren't the "boy in the red shirt" (only one kid in a red shirt, who was incidentally the only kid who the neighbor was certain was NOT involved).
In summary: 2 boys = game of monopoly. 4 boys = game of basketball. 6 boys = might as well be watching toddlers.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Watching baseball is hard
Watching baseball games is difficult for me.... although they've gotten better over the course of the season as the batters and pitchers have improved to where there is actually some action and not an alternating strike out and walk.
But, there's still lots of time during the game to analyze and ponder all sorts of baseball and non-baseball related things. Perhaps not being able to keep my mind focused on the game at all times has made me aware of one particular set of parent-child dynamics and it makes me very sad.
I think I've said it before, but I like Jacob's coaches this year. They seem to have a good attitude and they mix things up a bit but they also try to keep strategies that will help them win. For example, last night they locked a win on the game (being the away team and hitting the time limit) and so the coach put the outfielders in the infield and the infielders in the outfield and let someone pitch who wanted to but hasn't ever done it before. It wasn't the prettiest inning - but who cares? They did not get the shutout they might have had, but the kids had fun.
I just want to highlight that the overall attitude on the team is kind of "we want to win, and we want to have fun; and sometimes we also might lose, but let's keep a good attitude and never give up."
This has been good for Jacob, as he's really just gotten a little more confident in his ability to hit the ball.... like... well... this week. And some kids are still struggling with hitting and fielding. One kid, who falls in the mid-bottom of the "skill" level of players has a father who seems to believe that any praise might detract from the fact that his son's play might have been "better." He chastises his kid for not swinging at the pitches, but then chastises him for swinging at balls. The kid seriously takes a swing, then turns and looks for his dad in the stands. Every. Single. Time. And his glance is always returned with a scowl.
Yesterday, the kid made a nice catch of a pop fly for an out. All the kids and coaches were telling him nice play and he had a big smile on his face. He came over to the stands to his dad and sister (sister who gave him a big high-five) and a dad who said something that eliminated most of the smile from the boy's face.
I know there are a variety of different philosophies on how to motivate kids and there is no magic button. Perhaps I should just be glad that this guy isn't one of the team's assistant coaches. And I can't say that I've watched anything that would be considered abusive (through work I did have to go through training on that.... because.... well I have no idea why really). But, I felt like going over and just being like "dude, he made a good play, just say 'good job.' Just this once." Clearly it would mean the world to that kid.
But, there's still lots of time during the game to analyze and ponder all sorts of baseball and non-baseball related things. Perhaps not being able to keep my mind focused on the game at all times has made me aware of one particular set of parent-child dynamics and it makes me very sad.
I think I've said it before, but I like Jacob's coaches this year. They seem to have a good attitude and they mix things up a bit but they also try to keep strategies that will help them win. For example, last night they locked a win on the game (being the away team and hitting the time limit) and so the coach put the outfielders in the infield and the infielders in the outfield and let someone pitch who wanted to but hasn't ever done it before. It wasn't the prettiest inning - but who cares? They did not get the shutout they might have had, but the kids had fun.
I just want to highlight that the overall attitude on the team is kind of "we want to win, and we want to have fun; and sometimes we also might lose, but let's keep a good attitude and never give up."
This has been good for Jacob, as he's really just gotten a little more confident in his ability to hit the ball.... like... well... this week. And some kids are still struggling with hitting and fielding. One kid, who falls in the mid-bottom of the "skill" level of players has a father who seems to believe that any praise might detract from the fact that his son's play might have been "better." He chastises his kid for not swinging at the pitches, but then chastises him for swinging at balls. The kid seriously takes a swing, then turns and looks for his dad in the stands. Every. Single. Time. And his glance is always returned with a scowl.
Yesterday, the kid made a nice catch of a pop fly for an out. All the kids and coaches were telling him nice play and he had a big smile on his face. He came over to the stands to his dad and sister (sister who gave him a big high-five) and a dad who said something that eliminated most of the smile from the boy's face.
I know there are a variety of different philosophies on how to motivate kids and there is no magic button. Perhaps I should just be glad that this guy isn't one of the team's assistant coaches. And I can't say that I've watched anything that would be considered abusive (through work I did have to go through training on that.... because.... well I have no idea why really). But, I felt like going over and just being like "dude, he made a good play, just say 'good job.' Just this once." Clearly it would mean the world to that kid.
Monday, June 8, 2015
Attack Kitty
So, the neighbors have a new puppy.... a little cockapoo or something like that. Right now it's just a very hyper ball of fur.
Yesterday, the boys were playing with him and Jacob came in the house to get some water.... and the puppy followed. What great fun! A new place to explore!
Until.... Wylie saw him speeding past in the kitchen from her preferred hangout spot in the sunroom.
"Intruder!!!"
Holy crap, the cat was on it. Like a flash she was in the main house, horrid noises emitting from her throat, fur all puffed out.
The puppy was somewhat oblivious to this new creature he'd encountered. I mean, I'm sure all other mammals had been pretty welcoming to him in his short life - so why fear this crazy ball of fur. Off he went around in the family room.
"This house is MY house!!!"
No sooner had he rounded the corner that the cat took the short route and planted herself right in front of the puppy. Back arched, teeth bared, Get The Hell Out!
And this point, the puppy may have registered that this is not someone I want to play with. He paused for a moment of confusion, and turned to walk slowly in the other direction.
This gave me the opportunity to scoop him up (he was all wet from the grass, so that was also awesome) and put him back outside.
The cat continued to voice her deep dissatisfaction with the whole event.
I guess we won't be getting a dog, LOL.
Yesterday, the boys were playing with him and Jacob came in the house to get some water.... and the puppy followed. What great fun! A new place to explore!
Until.... Wylie saw him speeding past in the kitchen from her preferred hangout spot in the sunroom.
"Intruder!!!"
Holy crap, the cat was on it. Like a flash she was in the main house, horrid noises emitting from her throat, fur all puffed out.
The puppy was somewhat oblivious to this new creature he'd encountered. I mean, I'm sure all other mammals had been pretty welcoming to him in his short life - so why fear this crazy ball of fur. Off he went around in the family room.
"This house is MY house!!!"
No sooner had he rounded the corner that the cat took the short route and planted herself right in front of the puppy. Back arched, teeth bared, Get The Hell Out!
And this point, the puppy may have registered that this is not someone I want to play with. He paused for a moment of confusion, and turned to walk slowly in the other direction.
This gave me the opportunity to scoop him up (he was all wet from the grass, so that was also awesome) and put him back outside.
The cat continued to voice her deep dissatisfaction with the whole event.
I guess we won't be getting a dog, LOL.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Bring on the rubric
This post will be a small rant about grading rubrics..... 4th grade grading rubrics.
As an aside - I'm a believer in rubrics. As an engineer, I especially like that they make it easier for me to grade things like essays, projects, and papers by quantifying the components.
BUT, as a user of rubrics, I realize that you need to either make your instructions match your expectations (rubric), or make you expectations (rubric) match your instructions. Which is why I was super annoyed that Jacob earned 27 of 50 points on his non-fiction book report, when he did exactly what the instructions said, but not what the rubric graded him on.
Let me give some examples along with an easy fix for the teacher to make their expectations more transparent.
Instruction: "Using complete sentences, tell about 5 or more interesting facts you learned from reading the book"
Rubric: "5 or more interesting facts using a total of at least two sentences per fact"
Score: 5/15 because he gave five facts with only one sentence each (why half the expectation was only 1/3 of the points is another point to ponder).
Jamie's Instructions Recommendation: "Write about 5 or more interesting facts you learned from reading the book, using at least two sentences for each fact."
(with a note that the teacher is actually asking the students to "write" about the facts and not "speak" about the facts, so "tell" is really also not the correct word here)
Instruction: "Did you like the book? Did you think the book did a good job of teaching you about the topic? Would you recommend this book to a friend? Using complete sentences, explain your opinion of this book." (this was written just as I have in one paragraph)
Rubric: "Opinion paragraph written using at least 5 complete sentences" and a second one "Recommendation paragraph including at least 5 sentences"
Score: 2/7 because I guess he wrote just one 5 sentence paragraph that answered the questions listed in the instructions.
Jamie's Instructions Recommendation: Split into two parts if there are two paragraphs required. Part 1: "What is your opinion about the book? Did you like the book? Did you think the book did a good job of teaching you about the topic? Write a full paragraph answer."
Part 2: "Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not? Write a full paragraph answer."
(with a note that the teacher is actually asking the students to "write" about the facts and not "speak" about the facts, so "tell" is really also not the correct word here)
See. Not so hard to make them match. Seriously - he'll do what you want him to do, just be clear about what you want him to do.
As an aside - I'm a believer in rubrics. As an engineer, I especially like that they make it easier for me to grade things like essays, projects, and papers by quantifying the components.
BUT, as a user of rubrics, I realize that you need to either make your instructions match your expectations (rubric), or make you expectations (rubric) match your instructions. Which is why I was super annoyed that Jacob earned 27 of 50 points on his non-fiction book report, when he did exactly what the instructions said, but not what the rubric graded him on.
Let me give some examples along with an easy fix for the teacher to make their expectations more transparent.
Instruction: "Using complete sentences, tell about 5 or more interesting facts you learned from reading the book"
Rubric: "5 or more interesting facts using a total of at least two sentences per fact"
Score: 5/15 because he gave five facts with only one sentence each (why half the expectation was only 1/3 of the points is another point to ponder).
Jamie's Instructions Recommendation: "Write about 5 or more interesting facts you learned from reading the book, using at least two sentences for each fact."
(with a note that the teacher is actually asking the students to "write" about the facts and not "speak" about the facts, so "tell" is really also not the correct word here)
Instruction: "Did you like the book? Did you think the book did a good job of teaching you about the topic? Would you recommend this book to a friend? Using complete sentences, explain your opinion of this book." (this was written just as I have in one paragraph)
Rubric: "Opinion paragraph written using at least 5 complete sentences" and a second one "Recommendation paragraph including at least 5 sentences"
Score: 2/7 because I guess he wrote just one 5 sentence paragraph that answered the questions listed in the instructions.
Jamie's Instructions Recommendation: Split into two parts if there are two paragraphs required. Part 1: "What is your opinion about the book? Did you like the book? Did you think the book did a good job of teaching you about the topic? Write a full paragraph answer."
Part 2: "Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not? Write a full paragraph answer."
(with a note that the teacher is actually asking the students to "write" about the facts and not "speak" about the facts, so "tell" is really also not the correct word here)
See. Not so hard to make them match. Seriously - he'll do what you want him to do, just be clear about what you want him to do.
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