The person I want to be, but am not

You know those times when you want to be happy for someone but you can't muster up the strength?  Or, maybe you don't even want to be happy for someone but you feel like you should want to be happy for them?  Like, if I were a better person, I would be able to rise above the fray and realize that one person's "issue" is completely independent of any of my "issues."  That happiness and achievement are not a zero-sum game where one person's luck or fortune means there is less for everyone else.

There are times when my rational brain fights with my irrational brain and who knows which one will come out on top.  I'm really glad that your daughter made the advanced swim team; it's great that your son qualifies for "talented and gifted;" congrats on winning that professional award.

These are times I must remind myself that life is both up's and down's and that some great rewards are born from not getting what you want or what you imagined.  I remind myself that someone else's achievements do not take away from my own.  I remind myself that life is full of choices, each has pros and cons.  These reminders are all easier when others' good news and good fortune doesn't come in waves, and doesn't come when my own boat already feels like it's listing to the side.

So, I'll still say I'm happy for you, and hope that the real feelings will follow.  Sometimes they do.  Other times they fall between the gap of the person I want to be and the person I am.

one point lost

Jacob missed a point on a math test.  It might be the first of the year.

He wrote: 176 more.

He was supposed to write: 176 more pages.

(The question was worth two points - and he got 1/2.  I think it was one for the number and one for the label).

It's kinda like getting sick in May when you have perfect attendance.  Ah well.

A week un-medicated, except mom stocks up on wine

So, I need to find a week this summer when "not much is going on" to take Allison off her ADHD medications.  Preferably this week will be early in the summer so that we have time to try out new medications before the school year starts.  That is - if taking her off the medications lessons the OCD-ish habits that she has that we're trying to figure out how to redirect.  Our directive has been to take her off medication for a week, see if the bad habits disappear, if they do - put her back on the medication and see if they reappear.

So the potential weeks in June are:

(1) the last week of school (ha - that would almost be worth it!)
(2) the week with an orthodontist appointment and the first day of gardening camp (the most likely week)
(3) the week that Kellen is visiting and Allison wants to do ninja camp with the boys.
(4) the week that I'll be at the ASEE conference.
 
We frequently low-ball the dose over the weekend (mostly to get her to eat more), and day 1 is always fine. Day 2 sans medication is almost always a disaster.  I believe then that the two possibilities are that day 3 would be like day 2 - the "new plateau" so to speak (I might be able to survive 6 "day 2's"); or that day 3 would follow the trendline between days 1 and 2 and I'd be pulling my hair out by day 4.

I'm sure the blog will be full of exciting posts that week!

Evil Shampoo

I am clearly the last person to learn that shampoo is bad for your hair.  So counter-intuitive, right?  This wonderful product that I've been using DAILY for-ever is responsible for my oily scalp, hair loss, and costly styling products.  But, you KNEW that already because it seems that I am very late to this party.  Well, it's probably because what I "look like" for the past 10 years has been focused on not leaving the house with smears of something undesirable on my shirt or something green between my teeth.  High standards, high standards.

What happened in the meantime has been tragic.  First off, my hair went grey!  Like - ah crap I actually have to start coloring it for begin looking 10 years older than I actually am - grey.  Or, it may be that the grey hair is just more tenacious and the brown hair fell out.  This is entirely plausible since I've experienced a total volume reduction of 90%.  Thank God it's still curly because no one can really tell this - but trust me - it's true.

The last three hair stylists I've had (there has been great turnover at the salon - or it may be that I only go twice a year) have told me about the evils of shampooing every day.  I consistently blew this off (much like I do when the doctor suggests losing some weight - seriously - what to THEY know?).  I did, on their advice, switch to a shampoo with less of something in it.  But now I don't remember what.

But then one day I had to run in to work with yesterday's hair in a ponytail (I also believe there is an age when it's less appropriate to wear a ponytail in public and I am quickly approaching that age) and my friend said something about dry shampoo.  Wait, what?  Then the following day there was an article on yahoo about Jennifer Aniston's hair routine or some such thing, and this every other day shampoo issue came up again.  So I started polling women I know and - overwhelmingly! - they all say they shower daily but suds up much less frequently.  ???  This can - apparently - help me retain my ever-diminishing hair, lower frizz, and cut down on the amount of shampoo I have to buy!

So, I've been tentatively trying this and I'm not sure I'm sold on it yet.  Perhaps it's because I can't really brush my hair - so on a non-shampoo day I have about 3 inches of oily greasy gross-out hair plastered down to my scalp, followed by the remaining inches of crazy frizz spazz hair. I've been assured that once I adopt this routine for a while, my scalp will quit producing so much oil to overcompensate for the fact that I have been stripping it away every morning with evil shampoo.  I am still unconvinced.

Holes!

With the pool out, Jacob has been enjoying playing the big sand pit - mostly digging holes.  He has found wonderful treasure - clay!  His plan is to sell the clay to people in June.  It's valuable stuff!

Also, the neighbor boy can no longer dig in the pit because once he did and got dirty.  Because, getting dirty is terrible, terrible, terrible.  I'm fairly certain that they think we're as weird as we think they are.

I want to go there

So.... we've been exploring other schools for the kids (Jacob is still on the waiting list at the charters - I checked in this week).  We also found a private school that sounded appealing:

http://cooperativeschool.org/

So, I met with one of the directors, then went in a observed the school and met with the teachers, and then finally took the kids in for a visit this morning.

Brief synopsis of the school: private, but not religious; very small (right now 8 kids, but they would like to grow to two classes of 12 kids each); sort of a one-room-school-house kind of feel.  They have an integrated curriculum (right now they are reading Treasure Island, making a pirate dictionary in writing, and learning about the properties of water in science).  They teach both Chinese and Spanish in the afternoons.  All kids have computers.  It's housed in former K-8 school associated with a church.

When I first broached the idea of visiting the school (Wednesday) - it was met with horror by the kids.  "But we LOVE Berry.  I don't want to go anywhere else.  I'll miss GYM!"

I showed them the website, tried to up-sell a little bit, and told them that Mom and Dad get to make this decision, but that we'd listen to their opinions.  However, in order to have a good opinion, they had to visit the school.

By yesterday in the car, they were informing the neighbors that they might not be at Berry next year (still a big *might* at this point).  It happened to be "dress like a pirate day" at the Cooperative School, so we dug out what pirate gear we had and the kids were slowly getting on board.

Well, I think they had fun.  They joined the reading groups when we got there (the students were sharing adventure stories they wrote), while I shared Allison's current IEP with the math/science teacher.  Above all else, we don't want to move the kids if it's not going to be successful.  We're not trying to hide anything from them.  Then she encouraged me to go out and get a cup of coffee and return in an hour.  The kids stayed and did a math treasure hunt with the other students.  The treasure was donuts (had the teachers not planned this an advance, I'd have thought they were trying to sell the kids on the school too).

In the end, the kids had a really nice time.  Allison said "I definitely want to go to this school." and Jacob said "I kindof want to go to this school.... more than I did before."

So, I'm going to follow up with them next week, and they are going to share the accommodations in Allison's IEP with the afternoon teachers to see if they thought it would work out or not.  Cautious optimism.  Also, it's right down the street from the environmental charter school, so if Jacob were still to get in there, and Allison were to go here - it would be a very easy pickup/dropoff situation.

hot - cold - hot - cold

Soccer practice #1 - hot, bright, sunny.

Soccer game #1 - cold, rainy, 50 degrees, not enough layers!  Completely prompted my Mother's day gift request of a golf umbrella (which I got - LOVE).

Soccer practice #2 - HOT.  The fields are usually windy - thus lowering the temperature at least 10-15 degrees.  At practice this week I planned for that and had on jeans and a light weight sweater.  I ROASTED, even though it was only 70 degrees.

Soccer game #2 - 75 degrees and sunny.  I wore shorts.  Today, then it's windy and I'm huddled under a towel (what we had in the car) with Allison on my lap for warmth.  USA Youth Soccer Fields - you're killing me!

BTW - Jacob is #7.  That second shot makes it look like he's staring intently at the ball... or ready to tackle the oncoming defenders.

Weekend

So - the weird thing is that my kids didn't suddenly and miraculously transform on Mother's Day.  They acted like it was Sunday.  They fought.  They whined.  Crazy - I know!!

But, we had a nice brunch at the Kangaroost - a restaurant that Brian and I like that the kids will happily return to.

We went to the library and then took Jacob over to practice with the pitching machine that we borrowed from the coach for the weekend (I have neither the aim nor the speed to stand in for the pitching machine).  Saturday would have been better - but the wind was nuts on Saturday.  We got to the very last bucket and I said if he could hit a "home run" (ball landing in the grass without bouncing first in the dirt) then we could get ice cream.  Well - last ball and he whacked it out to the grass.

So, off to Cold Stone we went.  In a rare moment of sibling consideration, Jacob thought we should get some for Allison too (we would have - but it was nice that it was his idea and not mine).  So, he got two kids sizes of Oreo + gummy bears.  The woman behind the counter was like .... "uh, is one of these for you?"  I said no (blech), which then she said mom's got free ice cream on Mother's Day - so I got a big scoop of coffee ice cream.  Yum.

Alternatives

I've made blog posts recently on two main topics - sports and education.  These are the two things primarily on my mind, I guess.

BTW - Soccer game #1 - Jacob scored two goals!

We've been exploring educational alternatives for the kids.  Clearly, I'm not wow'ed by their current school.  But I don't think it's the school, or the teachers, that have been bothering me.  One, it's the fact that curriculum is centralized.  I know what Jacob will study in 3rd grade because that's what Allison studied in third grade.  All third graders in the whole district will be learning about Japan and Russia next year.  What if a teacher used to live and work in Peru?  So what?  They get to teach about Japan and Russia.  And I believe I've already ranted about multiple choice math tests!

The other big thing that bugs me is the class sizes are huge!  Jacob's class (I think) is 27.  Allison's is 32.  The classes seem to only get bigger as the kids get older.  I'd say neither of my kids flourishes is big groups - but then again - it's the rare kid who does.  With Allison, particularly, the lack of attention is a problem as she's really NOT a kid who can sit at her desk and pay rapt attention during the 45 minutes of "math instruction" time, which is differentiated from the following 30 minutes of "math work time."  Seriously - I don't even make my college students pay rapt attention for 45 minutes without breaking it up with problems or group work!

But what I've found - that I think is interesting - is that most other people seeking out alternatives to traditional public schools are educators themselves.  I ran into the mom of a boy from Jacob's kindergarten class who put her kids in Montessori.  I was asking if they were moving to the new site.  She said they couldn't work it out, so the boys are going to school with her husband who works in Hilbert where the class size is 14 rather than back to Appleton.  The parents - math and English teachers.  Actually, all the families at Montessori that I know have parents who are teachers (5 families total - which yes, is a small, but not insignificant sample).

I've met two new people the past week who are exploring non-public schools and both have parents who work for the school district.

There was a weird culture when Brian worked at Proctor and Gamble where everyone used Proctor and Gamble products.  In fact, I still buy P&G stuff even though it's been over a decade since he worked there.  But when you have employees who don't want to buy your product or don't buy in to your philosophy - then maybe you need to rethink your plan.  Allison's current teacher says she's been in education long enough to see the winds shift back and forth several times.  Hopefully soon, the winds will be blowing from a better direction.

Sports Begin!

Baseball season began yesterday with a 11-10 win for Jacob's team.  It was a LONG evening of baseball, since the coach wanted to practice for 45 minutes before the game and then there was the nearly 2-hour long actual game.

 Jacob started off with a triple in the second inning, followed by an RBI and another base hit.

Their team surged to an early 9-1 lead, but fell apart near the end (45 minute practice before the game? that's my theory).  

Today begins soccer - with the first sponsored practice and their first game on Thursday.

Perspective

I'm always signing the kids up for things without their permission.  This is because I (as their mom) is clearly more aware of their likes and dislikes than they are.  As if.  Actually, it stems from a general parental laziness of not really wanting to have to answer questions constantly about it in the interim between the signup (6-100 weeks in advance) and the event.  A related axiom to this is that I'll also NOT sign them up for things because I (as their mom) is clearly aware of the things that they would like but I would not like.  (Pop Warner Football - I'm talking to you).

So, I signed Allison up for a new social group for kids with high-functioning autism.  I totally lucked out that the outing was a birthday party theme and Allison LOVES birthday parties.  It was one hour long, there were a total of four girls there, aged 7-10 (plus a slew of boys).  She had fun - she decorated a cookie and a cupcake; played games, made a mug, and got a goodie bag.

Meanwhile, I plopped myself down at a table with other mom's and tried to generally be more outgoing than I actually am.  We talked schools (everyone had complaints); we talked sleeping (apparently none of the kids do); we talked activities (challenging); and we talked general parenting stuff.  I felt lucky for getting therapy services through private insurance - the wait is 18 months through county services.  I felt lucky for not being met each day at pickup by a teacher with a tally sheet of the day's problems.  It was nice to hear other kids didn't stay dry at night until age 8 or 9 either.  And it was nice to hear that the other kids had their own idiosyncratic behaviors (read: compulsions) too.

People are often able to listen and laugh while I tell tales of dogs colored pink, sharpie on the cabinets, self-inflicted mullets, or another misadventures in parenthood.  People are also often able to politely listen to stories of bad therapists or problems with social skills or another meeting with the teacher to talk about a problem.  But only a subset of parents really understand that your child loves birthday parties but never gets invited to them.

The week in review

Odd moments from this week, in no particular order; or potential future blog post titles.

It was hot!  Then cold!

Two practice baseball games.

One trip to the pediatrician to parse the differences between idiosyncrasies, compulsions, and habits.

A unsuccessful interview with someone 15 years younger than me.

Goodbye piano, hello guitar.

The kids suggest restaurants we'd actually like to eat at.

New book club!

Gave a really boring lecture.

Boy who hates writing likes his diary.

Landscaping plans.

Wildflowers sprouting.

Several mysterious tupperware contents removed from fridge.... oddly the fridge is still full.

Restocked supply of tupperware!

The alphabet goes...

This was a sentence from Jacob's writing the other day:

"The alphabet goes abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz."


The teacher's comments: "Was this from a book, Jacob?  Make sure you are writing about a book."

So our plan to just put words on paper seems to have been found out.  LOL.

May Day

Of course - today parts of Wisconsin are getting 8+ inches of snow.  But, it's finally spring!!